Shape Shifting in the South

“Doesn’t have a point of view
Knows not where he’s going to
Isn’t he a bit like you and me?”– John Lennon

The governor’s race in 2022 is beginning to take shape. We essentially have three doors to choose from. Door number one involves our illustrious governor and his numerous challengers on the GOP side. Essentially, they are one and the same. If you could imagine the twice impeached former president as a governor then you’d be on the right track. All of them are jockeying for position to be the most Trump they could possibly be.

We will assume for the time being that Abbott will win that primary going away. After all, he’s made no bones about doing the former president’s bidding. The latest example involves an audit of three counties that presumably all voted for Biden. Remember, Trump won Texas. So, what exactly are they going to prove?

This is a mind-numbingly stupid endeavor. Everyone knows voter fraud is rare. They’ve done dozens of these across the country and they’ve discovered one thing throughout: there is more fraud on the GOP side than on the Democratic side. This is where those childhood chants of “takes one to know one” come into clear view. Yet, even with that caveat, there has never been enough to make a statistically significant difference one way or another.

So, we spend millions of dollars potentially in order to do what exactly? If we discover rampant fraud are we going to give 45 two sets of electoral votes from the state? Obviously, that’s not it. What would be hilarious is if they discover what they’ve discovered in Arizona and in other locations: the incidences of fraud have been on the GOP side. Either that or they missed some Biden ballots along the way. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if Biden really won Texas?

Thus, we see the problem with door number one. It’s not that Abbott is crazy. He really isn’t crazy. He’s just a spineless jellyfish bending to the whims of a mad man. It’s at this point that we openly wonder what the difference is. If any of his opponents win the primary you get the exact same thing. Texans are fiercely independent people. At least, they always had been in the past.

Door number two involves the guy I will call the Lincoln man. He is calling himself a philosopher-poet. I’m not even sure what that means. Is he going to play his bongo drums naked in the governor’s mansion or will he give fireside chats in his Lincoln? Sure, I’m probably overselling his past. Everyone deserves the dignity of looking beyond their past. Yet, it’s hard to see what he has done in his life that would prepare him for this moment.

Door number three involves Beto O’Rourke. The former representative and senatorial candidate from El Paso seems to be the front runner on the Democratic side. O’Rourke has star power and fund raising capabilities, but we aren’t sure yet what he will bring to the table in this race. The tragedy is he already becomes to lesser of three evils.

You can tell the GOP is worried. Ted Cruz went to the mat to tell us how if O’Rourke were elected then Texans wouldn’t get their barbecue. Naturally, he says he was joking. I’m not sure any of them can be that funny. Humor takes spontaneity and thinking on your feet. These guys and gals can’t have a bowel movement without asking permission first.

The usual course of these things is that when someone loses, they ride off into the sunset, play their golf, and accept hundreds of thousands of dollars speaking to various groups about their salad days. This time has always been different. Whether 45 runs again or not, we’ve already seen the damage. Governors rush to curry favor by conducting a race to the bottom. I’d normally start handicapping this race, but nothing I’ve seen so far makes any sense.

Author: sbarzilla

I have written three books about baseball including The Hall of Fame Index. I also write for thefantatasyfix.com. You can follow me on twitter @sbarzilla.

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