Political Bingo

“You can act out the part
Though you know
It wasn’t written for you.” — James Taylor

Everyone that has worked in industry would have had a ball if we had known about this invention. Apparently there is a group that will allow you to make your own bingo cards. Inside you can put certain catch phrases that we always hear in whatever industry we happen to work in. Just imagine the hilarity of hearing someone yell, “bingo!” in the middle of a staff meeting.

One of the games of conservative politics is the game of identity politics. Whatever you do, don’t run on your record. This is particularly true in Texas where Republicans have controlled statewide politics for 25 years. It’s kind of hard to saddle your problems on your opponents when they haven’t held statewide elected office this century.

So, you play identity politics. For Dan Patrick, your opponent isn’t Mike Collier. Collier is a mainstream Democrat that is hardly radical. At least he doesn’t have anything on his legislative resume that would scream radical. So, we tie him to every “dangerous” liberal we can think of in order to scare people from realizing that Republicans have done a perfectly good job of screwing up Texas on their own.

So, we link him to Joe Biden and his America. Let’s ignore that Biden inherited a nation where you could literally see the dumpster on fire. Let’s ignore that we have had record deficit reduction, job creation, and solid economic growth. Let’s ignore that COVID is now under control and the vast majority of the population got vaccinated in short order. Let’s ignore that our reputation around the world is coming back. Let’s forget about all of that. Mike Collier is not Joe Biden.

Then, we link him with AOC and “her Green New Deal”. Let’s forget two things immediately. First, let’s forget that most people couldn’t accurately tell you what’s actually in the Green New Deal. Secondly, let’s forget that the GOP can’t go three minutes without complaining about gas prices and our dependence on foreign oil. Yet, begin suggesting policies to move to alternative energy sources and you are a radical. Mike Collier is not AOC.

Then, we link him with Nancy Pelosi and California. Apparently, California is some kind of hell scape with zombies and the purge simultaneously coming to kill the residents there that haven’t already been radicalized. In actuality, they mentioned sanctuary cities, weak immigration policies, and cheap bail. Goodness knows we don’t want to be like those vegetable eating commies over there in California. They cannot produce quotes Collier of saying any of these things. He’s a Democrat. Nancy Pelosi is a Democrat. It must be so.

The candidate running against Lauren Boebert was so fed up in their debate about her mentioning Nancy Pelosi that he finally had to keep repeating his own name. This is Mike Collier. He’s running for Lieutenant Governor. Joe Biden isn’t running. Nancy Pelosi isn’t running. AOC isn’t running. I haven’t heard about “woke” policies, boys playing girls sports, or sanctuary cities, but if you had those on your bingo card you are today’s winner.

Author: sbarzilla

I have written three books about baseball including The Hall of Fame Index. I also write for thefantatasyfix.com. You can follow me on twitter @sbarzilla.

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